Naruto's Omakes and Ideas
by HarbingerLady
Summary: Collection of one shots omakes and ideas for Naruto fics
1. 01 Why Check Up Is Always Needed

Authors's Note: I already have Harry Potter's Omake, so why not a Naruto's one? Beside, people always need a good laugh, right?

Chapter One

**Why Check Up Is Always Needed**

"Lee, you can release it!" Gai cheered from above.

Said student brightened up at the prospect. "Yes, Gai-sensei!" The other nins were shocked when the released weight created tremor and craters on the floor and the statue ("For that I'll cut it off from Gai's pay," Sandaime muttered under his breath as he looked at the broken statue).

Gaara's face was still impassive, betraying none of his thought. Temari and Kankurou were worried by the sudden development.

"Here I come!" Lee shouted and dashed toward his red haired opponent.

The ninjas blinked when they saw him disappeared…only to hear something crashed the wall loudly, bringing their attention to the now Lee-shaped-hole on the thick wall. They could still hear his war shout from distance, before a loud crash followed by heavy tremor of something heavy fell to the ground.

…

Blinks all around

…

The ninjas in the tower sweatdropped. Even Gaara's eyes twitched.

"What the fuck?" Naruto voiced the others' thought out loud.

"Naruto, language," Kakashi admonished.

"NOOOoooooooOO," Gai wailed from his spot. Neji was seen rubbing his forehead, while Tenten laughed dryly. She didn't want to believe it was her teammate.

Hayate shook his head in amused exasperation. He coughed, whether it was to get their attention or because he was really coughing was unknown, "…Ehm, since Rock Lee er… ran off…Winner: Gaara!" he exclaimed. Gai was still sobbing and Gaara's siblings were hoping he wouldn't kill them if his mood worsened.

Five minutes later, a slurred Lee with bloody lump on his forehead entered the arena from his makeshift hole, where he joined his teacher in his wailing when he learned that Gaara was declared winner after he was...er…running off.

**The End**

An idea I got when I was thinking 'what if Lee can't control his speed the first time he removed his heavy weights?'

I think it is kinda funny. What d'ya think?


	2. 02 The Mad Scientist

Author's Note: this one is a real AU from the start.

Chapter Two

**Naruto The Mad Scientist **

Sandaime heard a very loud terror filled scream from his office. After years of same things, this was now a common occurrence, so he didn't so much blink when it was followed by sounds of heavy explosion and later a _fu fu fu_ and then _mwa ha ha ha_ laughter that he had come to be familiar with coming from speakers that were planted by the culprit in hidden spots. Several Anbu nearby shook their heads in exasperation, not directed toward the source of the creepy laughter, but to those who had the idiocy to face against the one who was responsible for the explosion.

You'd think the villagers would get tired trying to harm the vessel after they got their asses handed to them by said boy they attempted to kill numerous times. They thought they could get a chance to do that just because said vessel wasn't a ninja. Unfortunately for those stubborn people, said vessel was much more dangerous than any ninja they had ever met. They surely had thick skulls. The boy wasn't someone anyone (except those idiots) wanted to be an enemy.

Area 30 or now more commonly known as Uzumaki District, for no one dared to live nearby his house…and lab anymore, was deemed as hazardous area for any sane person. There was only one building standing perfectly in radius 200 meters: his house and lab. The others were leveled and totaled years ago after his creations wreaked havoc to find the assassin who had attempted to kill their creators (said assassin went to Anbu nearby and confessed his crime, begging them to save his hide from the 'despicable abominations that come from the ninth hell').

Now the vessel's house was truly a sight to behold, particularly after he finished 'upgrading' the building. It now looked like a fortified fort in the middle of ruins, exceeding even the famed Hokage Tower. The so-called abominations were patrolling the area like a dragon defending its nest. The area was deemed more dangerous than even the infamous Forest of Death (it was even fenced by the ninjas…not to keep in the abominations for the fence held no candle to them, but to keep out curious—and murderous—people). The only one that dared to venture the area (and coming out unharmed) was Konoha's beloved sandaime. And that was only because the vessel's creations allowed him to enter.

"Hokage-sama, do you think we should send for a medic?" his assistant asked boredly. It was a routine question now.

"Ye—" the old man stopped. "Where does the man land on?"

"Still in Uzumaki District," he said, popping a peanut into his mouth, as he watched the human rocket landed on one of the ruins in the area. It was a miracle that till now there was no death at all…though they had to stay bedridden for a _very_ long time (the fastest time to get out of hospital was 7 months, and that was 5 years ago when the vessel started to go haywire) or had to be commuted to mental institution. Personally he thought that the vessel just didn't want to deal with the rant that would be sure coming from the Hokage.

"Then wait till the man gets out of the area before you send the medic. We don't want the medic to be hurt now, do we?" he said without looking, as he signed his much hated paperwork. He viciously stamped the paper with a scowl.

"Understood, Hokage-sama," the assistant left the room leisurely. With all the craziness all around, let's just say that it affected the Leaf-nins. What used to be abnormal for them was now a normalcy, nothing that needed to be overly worried about.

Three hours later, sandaime was handing down mission scroll for rookie Team 10, when a dog with Konoha's hitae ate entered the room. The old Hokage wondered what was wrong with Kakashi's team for he knew that the one who had the ability to summon dog was the pervert jounin. The bulldog sat and waited until a ninja removed the scroll before poofing out.

"It seems that Team 7's mission actually turns out to be A-rank mission, not the C-rank mission we first thought," said Sandaime after reading the scroll with grim face.

"What? Sasuke' kun is in danger?" Ino who was coincidentally there shouted in alarm.

The senior ninjas watched her disapprovingly for her rude interruption. Iruka decided to save her.

"Hokage-sama, we should send a squad to help them," the young teacher suggested.

"Yes, you're rig—" there was a small quake and a loud unfamiliar swooshing sound that caused all of them to cover their ears nearby. "What's that?" he asked in alarm. He felt dread and immediately suspected that it had something to do with Naruto and his experiment. The sound was still there, though smoother.

"…Ah, Hokage-sama, perhaps you should see it yourself," Iruka stammered, as he watched the sky from a window.

"Huge flying pen?" someone offered, only to get hit in the head by his incredulous comrade.

"—st be that darn kid again," someone complained.

"Shh!! Are you trying to get yourself killed for badmouthing _him_?" another elbowed him harshly. "_He_ has spies everywhere!"

The old Hokage had the urge to bash his head against the table.

Not a minute later a metal bird robot entered the room. It settled on Sarutobi's table. He swallowed the sigh that threatened to come out. It was Naruto's usual notice after he did something he shouldn't…big time.

"Hiyaa, old man, how're you doing?" a young cheerful male voice came out of a speaker that was set on the small bird…somewhere. "Fu fu fu, just want to tell you that I've just experiment with my lovely missile—that's the thing that you've just seen in the sky by the way. Anyway, not to worry, I didn't put gunpowder or something equally explosive there. The site where it will crash into, however, will be trashed because of the impact. I didn't set it to somewhere in Fire Country so you have nothing to worry about. And if my special 'delivery' fail, you just have to look into laughing epidemic and you'll know where it lands on. I have an antidote if something like that happens. Mwa ha ha. That man shouldn't try cheating on me and now he'll face the consequence," there was another set of mad laughter before the record stopped and the bird flew away.

The Hokage had a puzzled look on his face. "Laughter epidemic?" he repeated confusedly. The word 'antidote' replayed on his head and his face paled. _Don't tell me he's creating a disease no! It's already bad enough with his machines! And who the hell is he talking about?_

**Minutes later in Wave**

"Ne, Kakashi-sensei, what is that?" Sakura pointed at the sky. The people on the market noticed it too and they were pointing and whispering. "Uh…it comes closer," she squeaked. She blinked when the flying…thing landed somewhere else away from the market…away from the island actually. "Do you think we should investigate it?"

"Oey, do you think it lands on Gatou's base?" a hopeful man asked his neighbour.

"Man, if it does, God surely grants our wish," his friend said skeptically. "Nah, we're not that lucky."

"But the thing does land nearby his place. That's the direction on his base after all," a woman cut in.

Kakashi closed his book with a sigh. "Sakura, go back with Tazuna and guard him. I'll check it out."

"But, sensei—" he was already gone. "Mou, Kakashi-sensei!"

On Gatou's base Kakashi was sweatdropping when he saw a long white tub with red head crash the place. But what made him sweatdropping was the fact that there were people, he bet his ass off that they were the criminal's men, laughing their heads off while clutching their hurting sides without being able to stop. Some were moaning for help while they laughed. There was also a monitor that was placed on the huge tube playing off a record off a young blonde boy he had the misfortune to know mocking them.

"**Mwa ha ha ha, you should know that no one, and I mean NO ONE ever dared to cheat on me before. Loads of money just for a C-grade steel? You're trying to rip me off, eh?" **the blonde figure was doing a jig. **"Let people know that cheaters like you will always face the consequence of trying to lie to me, the Great Uzumaki Naruto-sama! And now you bitch has the pleasure of being my guinea pig of my newest solution: Deadly laughter solution, guaranteed to be really deadly and I mean it literally. Heh heh I guess that the saying 'dying of laughter' can be applied here literally. U fu fu fu fu. Have fun with your last moments!"** the screen showed the young boy doing a weird ritual of dancing jig. The message then started again, but this time there wasn't a single person aside from Kakashi paid attention to it. They had heard the notification 12 times already that day, and beside their sides hurting too much to let them think of anything else.

Kakashi was thankful for his mask. Still he didn't dare to stay there for long. No idea when the solution will be able to penetrate the white cloth that had covered his lower half face.

"I can't believe the brat has gone international already," he muttered under his breath in amusement. The blonde boy had always kept in the destruction inside his district in Konoha after all.

Two weeks later Team 7 left the Bridge named Great Naruto Bridge (Kakashi told Tazuna about the culprit of the destruction of Gatou's tyranny and from there everyone knew about their awesome 'hero').

**Months Later**

"Ibiki-san, there are enemy ninjas coming from the East!" a breathless chuunin informed worriedly.

Said Head of Interrogator raised his eyebrow. "East, you say?" the ninja nodded. "Leave them."

"But—" he spluttered.

"_He_ will take care of them," he cut off.

"Who?" the chuunin asked again.

"…Ah," a jounin nearby said softly, realizing who Ibiki was talking about. "Of course…If they come from the East, they'll have to cross _that_ district," he grinned in amusement. "He's right. _He_ or more precisely his guards will stop them," he smirked wickedly. His friends grinned in agreement.

The chuunin was still confused.

"It doesn't matter," he waved him off. "Go back to your duty!" Ibiki barked.

"Y-yes, sir!"

Not long after, Ibiki and others could hear people were screaming in fright from East, followed by blasting and swooshing loud sounds. There were explosions that made the ground trembled.

"Sounds like they had met _them_," someone said, shivering. He had seen first hand how they treated their victims and was sure as hell didn't want to be one of the unfortunate ones.

"Yup!' Ibiki said cheerfully. "Yay, Go! Go, Naruto!!" he cheered when some missiles were blasting off the three headed snake. Some were giving him odd looks. The snake heads were hissing before a big explosion took a chunk of their body. The summoned snake poofed out of sight.

"Holy, shit! What the fuck is that?" the same chuunin shouted in alarm.

"Nothing you need to be concerned about, brat!" Ibiki yelled.

"Y-yes, sir!"

"**Mwa ha ha ha, you think you can just trespass my place?" **a young voice coming from speaker said.** "WRONG! Now feel my WRATH! U fu fu fu fun."**

"…That's him alright," one jounin muttered.

"Need any help, boys?" Ibiki turned to see a grinning Jiraiya.

"Nah, it's under control, Jiraiya-sama. Why don't you help Hokage?" he suggested.

"Will do. Hm…any explanation about those explosions?"

"Sarutobi-sama can tell you about it," Ibiki informed.

"Alright," he shrugged and vanished.

**Sometime later**

"We're looking for yondaime's legacy," Itachi informed.

Kakashi and the others were ah and oh-ing. "Okay," he dropped his guarded stance and put his hands on his hips, looking relaxed despite being in the presence of two S-class missing nins.

"…Excuse me?" the Uchiha blinked.

"I said 'okay'. We won't hold you if you want to meet him. By the way…good luck," the other jounins were nodding in agreement. Kisame was bewildered by their odd reaction. That was it? Just that? There was something terribly wrong there.

The two Akatsuki members watched in unease, as they walked away to search the blonde boy. The Leaf jounins were giving them pitying looks. Kurenai even wiped her tears, as she muttered about how great ninjas they were, and how they would be missed.

"Is there something we don't know about?" Kisame asked worriedly.

"I don't know, but I have a bad feeling about this," Itachi didn't know how right he was.

**The End.**

My uptake about Naruto being a mad scientist instead of ninja. Naruto's said creations were that of black spider shaped robots with laser and other assortments of weapons, including none life threatening ones (but embarrassing and certainly painful ones).


	3. 03 Clan Resurrection Rule

Author's Note: I think you have all read about the so called Clan Resurrection Rule in stories with NarutoHarem pairing. This time I want it to befall to Sasuke.

**Chapter Three**

**Clan Resurrection Rule**

It was the usual day for the Rookie Nine of Konoha. Which meant…

"He's mine!" Sakura screeched, her usually neat hair was now a mess that looked like a bird nest after she was having a cat fight against Ino. Her face was swollen and her cheeks had red hand-printed sign.

"NO! Mine!" Ino denied. She sported a black eye and swollen lips.

"No, he isn't, he's mine, right Sasuke-kun?" The pink haired girl asked her teammate. Too bad she was ignored.

"Hah, see! He doesn't like you!"

And the cat fight started again. The rest of Rookie Nine watched the common spectacle.

"Guys!" Naruto shouted to gain their attention. "You know, you two shouldn't fight like this, afterall don't you know the 'clan resurrection' rule that states if a clan leaves only a survivor, he or she is allowed multiple spouses?"

…

Blinks

…

"Really?" the two looked at Naruto and then Sasuke, and then each other and then back to Sasuke again.

"Yup," Naruto confirmed with a victorious smirk.

They stared at Sasuke hungrily, causing the Uchiha boy to take a step back. They licked their lips and looked at each other, nodding with strange gleam on their eyes. Together, they jumped on Sasuke.

"God damn you Uzumaki!" Sasuke screeched in rage.

"Nope, the right statement is 'God loves me', _Sasuke-kun_," he gave his foxy grin.

"Man, Naruto, you're positively evil," Shikamaru commented. "You're so troublesome." Chouji agreed with his friend's assessment.

Naruto grinned and waggled his eyebrows cheerfully. Kiba was laughing on the ground, as he saw the two former love rivals teaming up and ganging up on the poor terrified Uchiha. Even the corner of Shino's lips twitched. Hinata fainted after she imagined herself pregnant with Naruto's child. The blonde boy was having blissful ignorance as he thought the girl was currently experiencing her strange quirk again.

"Still, I don't know why they want to be Sasuke-teme's breeding machines. You know, being pregnant, having morning sickness and swinging moods, and then birthing, and then pregnant again and the cycle goes on…." He imagined the girl being pregnant for the rest of their lives, waddling their swollen bellies with difficulties as they had to take care their numerous children at the same time. "You know maybe I should pity Sasuke, the girls' swinging moods will drive him crazy. And face it guys, he doesn't look like a father type do you think he could survive being a father of more than 10 children?"

The others shook their heads in mirth, they still could hear Sasuke cursing Naruto's name, as he ran from his crazy fan girls.

"Yeah, yeah, no need to thank me, _Sasuke-kun_!" he sang song, trying to rub salt on his already opened wounds.

Ouch!

**End**

In those stories, Naruto had no problem with the so called rule, but in this Sasuke didn't appreciate it. Maybe someone can make it the reason why Sasuke defected from Konoha? Must be humorous and a sight to see. And when he thinks he's safe in Oto, there is Karin with her Sasuke-worship there. Seems like Oto needs a good laugh anyway.


	4. 04 Small Change, Complete Alteration

I have this urge to make this fic when I wonder how things will turn out to be if Orohimaru isn't a missing-nin and this is the result. I make a one shot because I don't want to make another long series fic that I don't know when I will finish it. The timeline starts from when Orochimaru was still a Leaf-nin and he was 20 years old. He's actually the main character here.

Chapter Four

"Ah, Orochimaru, it's good to see you," Sandaime exclaimed cheerfully from his seat. His prized student immediately was on guard, wary to see his teacher look so damn cheerful, too cheerful in fact. The high stack of paper completely covering the huge table the Hokage was using, only leaving a free space for him to look at his teacher.

"…Indeed," he said warily, his eyes darted to the door he had just entered, wondering whether it was a good idea to bolt. His instinct was practically screaming at him to flee. He was given message by an unimportant jounin that should remain nameless that Sandaime called for him. And now that he was here, already meeting his teacher, he wondered if it wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Anyway I need you to act as a Hokage for now because I have an important business to attend," in a blink of eye the old man was already behind him and ushered him to take his Hokage seat.

"…" Orochimaru blinked. "Excuse me?" but when he turned around his teacher was already gone.

"Think of it as a mission," a happy voice shouted from the door, though its owner was nowhere to be found.

The young ninja stared at the mountain of paper in horrified silence. His body was stiff and he didn't dare to utter a sound at the mission that was just bestowed upon him.

"…And what exactly am I supposed to do?" it wasn't like he knew how. Give him an assassination mission and it would be done in a pinch, but _this_? He had seen his teacher signed paperwork, but that was it! Heck, he didn't even know where the damned stamp to sign the paper was.

It was needless to say that Orochimaru didn't have fun day. After grilling his teacher's assistant under his death glare and hissing, he found out from the terrified chuunin that his _beloved_ teacher didn't actually have important meeting that day. He then sent several squads of ANBU just to locate where their Hokage had run off. But it was to no avail as they failed to find the old man. Even when he was assisted by several people, Orochimaru felt like his head was going to explode from the sheer stress. Several clients and council members chose that day to complain. And it seemed fate was against him either when more reports were coming in. The snake sennin had to quench his urge to scream hysterically, kill the offending people, and burn all those god damn paperwork.

His fool of a teammate also chose to visit him after he heard the rumor that Orochimaru was acting Hokage that day, and the stupid idiot dared to laugh at him. HIM for god's sake! Jiraiya was sent to hospital after a ticked off Orochimaru proceeded to bust his ass for stress relief, literally. He was calmer after that, but felt another headache come when his eyes landed on the papers in front of him.

What was he supposed to do with these again? He didn't seem to be able to remember. All those words had gone off his head and strained his brain. It was all he could do to not start a screaming fit.

"Um…Orochimaru-sama, there is a diplomat from Sand coming over," the assistant informed the sennin nervously. And it was just ten in the morning too.

It was the last straw.

"AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!! I'LL GET YOUR ASS FOR THIS, SENSEI!!" he vowed so loud it was heard outside the Hokage tower.

In his hiding place, Sarutobi shivered and it caused him to loose his concentration, making him fail to catch the fish that bit the bait of his fishing rod. The highest ranked ninja of Leaf village groaned, never realizing that his student was out for his blood.

The second time it happened, Orochimaru used kage bunshin to do the work while he was off doing his own things. After his first disaster he recalculated _that_ day to see his mistake and what he should have done to fix it. Then in a moment of brilliance, he remembered about the forbidden technique. Unlike normal bunshin, this technique allowed the user to actually touched thing, and unlike mizu, rock, sand, or other kind of bunshin techniques it had the superior ability in that of having the mind of its user. So the supposedly forbidden technique was for the first time in history being used to do mundane thing like scouring through the paperwork instead of for combat or spying mission.

It sounded like a good idea the first time he thought of it, but he found that it was actually a bad idea.

True that he was free from doing the damn paperwork, but after his clone was dismissed Orohimaru collapsed from the sheer pain of headache. All sort of information flooding his brain in an instant and voila…instant headache! He had to be carted off to hospital and stayed bed-ridden for 2 days.

The third time he was called by sandaime for 'important mission', he went into hiding after his instinct screaming at him to hide.

So was the fourth, the fifth, sixth, seventh and you got the idea. Several times he wasn't able to shirk from his…duty and Orochimaru was truly hating those days.

Several years after that, Orochimaru had already gotten the idea that being a Kage was the worst job in the world. He was freaked out when he heard several council members whispering that he would be a good replacement if the Third died or resigned. He was in panic attack for several days, and not even his teammates were able to help him. If anything they made it worse and he was forced to kick them out of his house before he mauled them.

So it was a heavenly blessing day when he heard that Jiraiya's blonde brat of a student had the dream to become Hokage. The lad was smart and had huge potential, he had to admit that Gama-teme got a good student, but unfortunately he was also naïve. A fact that he used to his advantage. Orochimaru started to work on the brat, polishing his abilities, all in all making him a better ninja than he should ever be under Jiraiya's tutelage. The snake sennin disregarded Jiraiya's fit of screaming of him taking away his apprentice and told him to get his own. He told him practically in the face to go to hell.

The only thing Orochimaru didn't try to change of his 'apprentice' was his naivety and happy-go-lucky attitude. It seemed to work better to have a nice Kage, so he wouldn't have to worry about revolt.

And just to appease Jiraiya, he eventually took a girl named Mitarashi Anko as his apprentice. Good girl, she was.

Orochimaru was proud at his blonde pupil when his name was known as Yellow Flash throughout the ninja world. He even fought with Jiraiya over who taught the blond better, which he won obviously. He was after all a master of debate…as long as it didn't involve stupid politic or paperwork anyway.

Time went on and his dream came true when Kazama Arashi was chosen to replace Sandaime as Yondaime. Orochimaru celebrated the joyful day and drank himself into stupor. He had to be carried off to his home. The terrible hangover the next day wasn't able to reduce his joy.

Life was good. Sandaime and Yondaime approved of him using prisoners of war and enemy ninja as guinea pigs. If a prisoner refused to open his mouth, he would be handed to him. To this day Orochimaru never failed in breaking them. The other also didn't seem to mind when he used his completed immortality jutsu to change body once in awhile as long as it was enemy ninja. Truly, life was good.

When Kyuubi attacked Orochimaru panicked. The stupid Yondaime brat decided that using a suicidal attack was a great idea, which meant all his lifetime hard work to mold him into the greatest Hokage of all time would go the drain. Either Sandaime would be back to his post (which was something he dreaded, for Arashi never asked him to do his job, unlike his accursed teacher), or he was asked to be Hokage (oh, the horror! He'd rather become a missing-nin!), or Danzou would be chosen as Godaime. And he didn't like that fucking man. So it was easy to say that all result was a definite NO-NO!

Desperate time needed desperate measure, so taking a leaf from his student's book, Orochimaru felt like a sacrifice was needed.

Well…actually it wasn't a sacrifice for the intended wasn't aware he would be sacrificed…for the greater good, of course.

The snake sennin easily killed the surprised Danzou and used his corpse for Shodaime's medium, using the newly completed Edo Tensei. His next job was to knock out Arashi from the game, per se. He decided to go through Yondaime's idea to use his newborn as the vessel. Being a vessel of a great demon would make him a great ninja, and Orochimaru intended to mold the boy to be the next Hokage, if only so he wouldn't be Hokage incase something happened to the boy's father.

The sealing was done successfully. Yondaime was still alive, the Leaf was saved, there were more survivors than it should be in canon for shodaime had the power to affect bijuu and Danzou actually did (forced to, but the man wasn't alive to complain) a good deed in his life by taking down Kyuubi with him, even if it was done unwillingly.

So what if he was scolded for days? It was worth it. And in the end the others agreed that he was right doing that thing, even if it was done begrudgingly. It helped when he told them that Danzou offered himself to do the job. Not that it was true, of course. The man was hailed as a hero! He, wherever he was right now (Orochimaru hoped that he was in hell), should be grateful for it!

Now, with Naruto following him like an adorable puppy with awe look on his face as he watched his Hebi teacher showing him the snake style taijutsu, Orochimaru felt sure that he did the right thing. Taking over as ROOT's leader was a bonus.

It also helped that he pissed off those stuck up Uchiha by taking Itachi as his newest apprentice. The family was actually happy when he did it the first time around. They didn't like the result though. The new Itachi was someone that didn't give a damn to stupid rules like his clan made and it didn't help that his teacher's cruel tendency was rubbing off on him (the oldest heir of Uchiha even created a new creative method of torture. Sharingan was definitely a blessing). Attempts to break them off always ended in failure. Itachi was too attached to his teacher and not to his clan.

If someone asked his brother what he thought of his big brother, little Sasuke would answer that his brother was nice, even if he was a prone troublemaker and literal headache to his parents (especially his dad), if a bit (well, a LOT) creepy. If you asked Naruto though, the child would answer that Itachi was the greatest…well second greatest, Orochimaru was the first one, his father excluded.

The Leaf had to be glad that their beloved Hokage was there to temper both Orochimaru and Itachi from going out of control and was actually teaching Naruto to do the same (not that it really worked much, his son was already ensnared by the two and also Anko who became his big sister).

In the background, Jiraiya was crying for being left forgotten. His should-be apprentice (meaning Naruto) was already corrupted by Hebi-teme and taken away from him just like his father. Tsunade only rolled her eyes and didn't bother to console her pitiful former teammate.

Orochimaru was content with his life.

**End**

What d'ya think?

Short, rushed, but I think it's better than making it into a series fic. I doubt I have the time and patience to do it. It's also unedited, so no need to cry out that my grammar is atrocious.

For those thinking that Yondaime was actually Naruto's father in canon, I have to say that nothing in canon ever said that his name was Kazama Arashi or Naruto was his son. It's just a thinking from the fans, based on Naruto's appearance, the name in the Toad summoning scroll, and also their imagination (mine too actually)


	5. 05 Naruto's Misadventures 01

Author's Note: This idea occurred to me when I wondered how Naruto using his oiroke no jutsu and its modification (harem no jutsu) was the reason for him to be in Bingo book.

Chapter Five

Naruto's MisadventuresTo Enter Bingo Book

It wasn't a normal day in Akatsuki's Lair. All of its members were in the secret lair, while normally they were scattered across the globe. But right now they weren't scheming anything. It was simply a coincidence that none of them had mission to do, so they had the day off.

Itachi was sitting blankly on his sofa seat specifically imported from Fire Country, for once his sharingan was off. He threw the empty pocky box to the pile of garbage beside him and then snatched another box from his uneaten pocky pile. The others no longer found it unnerving that he ate his snack with a blank look. An Uchiha had to maintain their emotion after all.

Kisame was off in the kitchen trying to cook his favorite food: tuna fish, but so far it didn't seem like it would be done anytime soon. The kitchen was wrecked as if someone had just tried to butcher it with guillotine. Of course that someone was the blue skinned ninja who tried to cut his fish with Samehada, his huge and highly sentient sword.

Deidara and Sasori were arguing about which of their arts was better and so far it didn't look like it was going to stop for the next five hours.

Hidan was on the corner of the room doing ritual for his beloved God, Jashin-sama. And no one was bothered about him, as long as he didn't try to use them as his sacrifice.

Kakuzu who handled Akatsuki's financial was pushing the buttons of his calculator, while occasionally flipping the latest bingo book's page on his lap, thinking which one of the ninjas inside should be hunted for the bounty.

Zetsu was conversing with his other half silently, while caring for a pot of plant of the table.

Konan was busy making origami birds and put life into them for lack of entertainment. The quiet blue haired girl appeared like a lost children at the moment.

Pein was sleeping for lack of things to do. Simply to say that he was bored.

And Tobi…Tobi was poking sleeping Pein. Sooner of later the idiot would understand the meaning of 'draco dominem ninquam titilandus' or 'never poke a sleeping dragon'.

Kakuzu was lazily flipping the lates bingo book, looking for new victims to hunt, when his hand suddenly froze. He opened his mouth, but no sound coming out of it, a sign that the S-rank missing nin was truly shocked with the information in the page. After a minute of composing himself, he turned to his fellow missing-nin and member of Akatsuki, Itachi of Uchiha clan.

He spoke gruffly, "Itachi, do you know that Iwa put a bounty of 15 million ryo for your jinchuuriki's head?"

Itachi froze mid-eating. Kakuzu had the complete attention from the others, with the exception of Kisame who was busy cooking (and failing) and Tobi who was poking Pein (a punch to his gut from an irate Pein rendered him unconscious).

"…No," the culprit of Uchiha massacre admitted in quiet voice.

"Wow, my former village did that? What did the jinchuuriki did to deserve that anyway?" Deidara was interested.

"Apparently he slaughtered one of Iwa's most prominent clans. Only children under 10 years old were spared."

"Whoa, I don't know that the Leaf's jinchuuriki is so cold-blooded, yeah. Which clan anyway?" the blonde criminal was surprised. According to the reports, the blonde jinchuuriki was among the most stable jinchuuriki and there was no sign that he had a tendency of killing at all. In fact he was the most 'innocent' demon vessels the world had ever known.

"The book said that they had died of bloodloss. And it was Rokku clan," Kakuzu sorted through whatever data in the page.

"Holy cow! Rokku clan? But their bodies were able to stop even chakra enhanced steel! How in the hell he managed to cut them apart?" the others too were interested at Kakuzu's answer.

"That's the mystery. He didn't cut them apart. In fact there didn't seem to be any injury inflicted to their bodies."

The Akatsuki members were left wondering how much stronger Uzumaki Naruto had been under the Legendary Toad Sage, Jiraiya.

**Meanwhile in Marsh territory…**

"Hey, look, Ero-sennin! I am in the Bingo Book!" Uzumaki Naruto chirped cheerfully, as he waved the book on his hand.

Jiraiya sighed. Not even 16 years old and Naruto had already angered Iwa. His father had stopped the last ninja war, but it seemed that Naruto was going to start the next war. Talk about irony.

"It's your fault for slaughtering Rokku clan, Naruto! Now it's going to be harder for us to travel!" the white haired ninja blamed his student.

"Hey, it's not my fault that they were a bunch of perverts! And how am I supposed to know that a clan as great as them had hemorrhaging disease anyway? I am no medic-nin," the young ninja protested.

Indeed the clan members were dead because of severe bloodloss caused by nosebleed after the blonde ninja used his infamous Harem no Jutsu (female and male version). While it was hard to cut their skin, once they bleed it was hard to stop the flow of the blood. Their blood simply refused to clot.

It seemed that Konoha's sandaime's decision to put said technique into S-rank kinjutsu was right.

**Meanwhile in Konoha…**

Tsunade was speaking to foreign dignitaries, when her student barged into her office. "Didn't I say to Shizune that I had an important meeting right now?" the godaime was annoyed.

Sakura was breathless. She had been on her shift at hospital when one of her patients was reading Bingo Book and claimed that Iwa put a bounty for her teammate's head. The pink haired girl immediately snatched the bingo book from the protesting ninja's hand and ran all the way to Hokage Tower.

"But Hokage-sama, it's about Naruto!" she knew Tsunade was fond with the blond.

"What happened to him?" she slammed her hand to the table, completely forgetting about her guests in front of her, who flinched at her angry tone.

"Iwa put a 15 million bounty for his head," Sakura answered.

"What? Did they know that he was yondaime's son?" Tsunade shrieked so loud even the people outside the towere hread her.

Sakura blonked at ther teacher's involuntary admission. "Naruto was yondaime's son?" she asked dumbly.

Tsunade froze. Her eyes darted from her dumbfounded apprentice to the astonished dignitaries. "Wait, you mean it's not because of that?" As her apprentice nodded, Tsunade felt the urge to kill herself right now. "Aw, shucks!" she cursed.

She knew that sooner or later the news would reach Iwa and the rest of the countries.

The next week Naruto's bounty was increased to 50 million after Iwa heard the news of Naruto's heritage. Yondaime was their most hateful enemy after all.

**In Marsh**

"Hey, I didn't even do anything this time around!" Naruto said, annoyed. "And what's this about me being yondaime's son anyway, Ero-sennin!" when Naruto looked up from his Bingo Book, his teacher was nowhere to be seen. "Coward!" Naruto shouted furiously.

Unknown to Naruto, several noble women he had saved before, had marked him as potential husband. Now that he was proven as the son of the legendary Yellow Flash, yondaime of Konoha, surely their stupid councils would no longer object to have him as their husband.

Konoha was in depressed mood. The people (some of them anyway, but their depression affected others) felt guilty for…well, you know. Wave worshiped their blonde saviour further, even erecting a shrine dedicated for him. Same thing happened in several other countries which Naruto had saved.

While the number of Naruto's allies was growing (not that he realized yet), so was his enemies. Iwa had declared him persona non grata and that he would be killed if he was found anywhere in Earth Country. Yondaime's previous enemies were ready to get their revenge by killing his son. Akatsuki would be hard pressed to keep Naruto alive for them to extract his bijuu. It was ironic that the one who had hunted him would turn out to be his saviour inadvertedly…for free even.

Of course Naruto's enemies now faced several countries and prominent clans who were determined to keep him safe, especially from those with queens, princesses, and heiress who were vying for his hand in marriage. There was no way they would let anyone hurt their husband-to-be. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

It seemed our hero's life would get hectic soon. Until then he would stay ignorant. Ignorance was a bliss after all.

**The End**


End file.
